She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
