i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
