i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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