He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
