You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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