I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
