I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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