So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
