She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
