the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
