he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
