I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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