I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My first STD was from a foam party
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
being pregnant is like rehab
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
