Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
