So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
