i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
