Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
