He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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