You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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