did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
