guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
