everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
