I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
