I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
