69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
