Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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