I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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