I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
