In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
