i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
