dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
