At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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