Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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