I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
