I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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