Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
