Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
