You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
