after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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