Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
