Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
