This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
