Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
