So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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