I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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