Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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