I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
