THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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