Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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