Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
