I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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