I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So squirting runs in the family.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
