I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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