I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
