What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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