I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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