u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
