We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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