My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
