I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
