i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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