nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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