i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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