I want to stick my p in your. b.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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