i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
