omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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