I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
