alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
