What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize