There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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