guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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