ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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