i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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