I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
