pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
