you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
