Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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