you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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